Sry I called you an 8
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
