i don't like sucking hair
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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