omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Drake has all the answers
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
