Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
