I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
