Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
