I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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