____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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