ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
