We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
