I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
