She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
