Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
