I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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