I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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