Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
