i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
