Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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