when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
