My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
