I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
