have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When are your genitals available?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
