is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
