I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
