You really coming over, don't trick.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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