I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
