Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
where are you?
Hypothermia
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
