We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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