I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
