I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
