Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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