somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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