I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
