oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
