It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
