Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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