Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
