You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
