he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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