we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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