You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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