That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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