i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
