watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
