Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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