If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
