Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize