think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
