When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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