I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
