If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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