it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
