You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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