I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
