I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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