i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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