just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
