Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize