When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
