I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize