i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
