You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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