life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
