Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
