Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
