would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
