How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
