Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
