I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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